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| on our way to california, we met a kid named herman who was trying to hitchhike from the edge of new mexico to san fran...he made it about 25 miles and then i think he went home. i dont think i'll forget him for awhile but i think that he thinks that the people who actually matter in his life do forget him. we met a friend's family who gave us coffee and prayed over us before we drove to our campsite. the man who gave us the campsite wished rachel luck on her career and then told me to get one. i learned that family is pretty cool and that maybe its time to share a little more of life with them. we met up with our camping neighbor from last year, greg. i didnt ask if he still wonders or not whether his beliefs are right and he didnt tell me that after he prays he knows its right like the last time. we saw two men sitting on the curb at a rest stop, the man on the right was the dirtiest and the one that would make any artist want to take a photograph. in arizona i was walking on the sidewalk one night as an old man rode by. as he told me that he thought he was the only one brave enough to be out, he slowly fell over on his bike into a small bush. we learned that next time we should get pop-top tuna cans instead of the ones where you need a can opener and we learned not to drive on the highway with surfboards that arent tied down, apparently physics would have been an important course to take. i bought coffee from a lady at starbucks who told me that she has over 70,000 in debt to pay off before she can get the tattoo of a flower she wants, the flower starts with an O but i cant remember the name. i was told that you can love and not like and i learned that i am just a person... | | |
| before i get on airplanes i always pray that i'll sit next to the person that God intends. this time i met a man who liked to talk. he told me all about his wife and how he used to hold her hand at every take off and landing before she died. he told me about her birthday, the date they found out she had cancer, the day she died, the number of people at her funeral, about his son and about his daughter, he told me the way to stay married for 48 years is to say 'i love you' every day, but he never told me his name. in utah we camped next to someone named Greg who told me that my name derived from the Greek, Elysium which translates into the final resting place-or heaven. ive been trying to learn what God's name means and on this trip I thought about exodus 34 again where God comes down, stands with moses, and proclaims his name as Lord, as compassionate and gracious God, as slow to anger, as abounding in love in faithfulness... i met his creation in such a real but simple way. ive heard people say that the more they learn the less they know. i saw homelessness in hollywood near an advertisement that said 'live large' and i saw a kid who was high leave his twizzlers next to a man sleeping on the side of a building in san fransisco. i met someone on a train from bulgaria who said to 'be the change that you want to see.' i stayed with gracious families in their homes, given free fruit by a man at a farmers market who just asked that we say a prayer for him... we talked with someone who is apart of the church of latter day saints who said that sometimes he goes home after church and questions if its right, he questions joseph smith. he said that he prays to God and feels confirmation that what he is doing is right. the more i learn the less i know. | | |
| ive been turning off the music in the car more. so now sometimes my car is a place of new thoughts. i wonder if i internally (and most likely as a result, externally as well) relate to God as if He is made in my image. i dont understand God, not that i think there are many who do but what i mean is the image of God when He is stripped of culture, of conditioning from parents, teachers, friends, oneself, or even from evil (whether that be deception, apathy, or not)...that God. not the God made in our image but God. i dont want to worship a larger reflection of me. i dont want to worship a larger reflection of my parents. i dont want to worship a larger reflection of the culture that i know. i want the real one. which is an unsettling statement to make, not unsettling in a negative sense but unsettling because if God and i ever have a relationship where he leads instead of me, a relationship where i am made in his image, i'll probably have some difficult things to do | | |
| 'sitting on the sidewalk, singing myself to stillness in hopes that in the busyness of this place i can hear you. cause all i want to do is be near you but when i try to place my right foot in front of my left, i fall and when i try to place my left foot in front of my right, i fall and i dont know how i am supposed to get to you, i dont know how i am supposed to rest in you. sometimes i watch this side of the world and i cant understand the boy who holds her hand so freely...so naively. as i watch i dream about the other side and wonder if i walked over would life be fine? not that i have regrets or poor feelings towards mine its just that i cant seem to stand near you. i hold on tight to humanity and i hope that it knows the depth in me and why i fear letting it go. in this still chaos i sing. in this still chaos... i sing. and when this song is heard i'll have found peace but for now i sing internally.' | | |
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